Lessons learned

Today is my dad's birthday, and while he was harder to track down than a Leprachaun or a much needed 'pot-of-gold' at the end of a rainbow, I happened upon this photo without even trying! It's serendipitous because I miss his smile and wish I could celebrate his "49th" birthday over a few green beers. But It's also serendipitous because of Sebastian and Alicia featured in the photo and all the thoughts that have been floating around in my mind lately. I am truly entering into a new phase of life as Harvey and I prepare to be married in just a few short months...ahhhhhh!!!! (side note: Can someone help me find an officiant since my pastor and his wife will be in Fij?) Seeing Alicia and Sebastian highlights one of my biggest fears: stepmotherdom. Stepmotherdom is scary on so many levels: you're a parent, but not really. You're a disciplinarian, but not really. You love, love, love the child, but may not be loved, loved, loved back! You accept this innocent, ADORABLE, child into your life...along with the biological mother. It's going to be tough...but it's going to be worth it! I just know it!!!!

Alicia was a great stepmother, albeit we had plenty of minor and major issues along the way (ahem, especially in my teens when I sincerely thought I knew EVERYTHING!). She came into my life at age 5 and was such a source of camraderie (I finally had someone to play Barbies with since my brother and dad seemed to poo-poo at the idea!). But, she was more than that: she was an extra pair of eyes and ears to watch over my safety and development, but she was also an additional source of comfort and love. I really hope that I will be that for Sebastian. When I reflect upon the time I've spent with him and his father, I can only revel at the memories...pure bliss (if bliss also includes having to watch Night at the Museum, Karate Kid, and Air Bud 547 times!!!).
But really, I've learned so many lessons over the course of the last almost two years (can you believe I've know Sebastian 36% of his life??) and hope that I will always remain open to the new lessons along the way. I also hope that I will be able to provide Sebastian with additional support, comfort and love that his mother and father already give him. To quote one of my favorites, Ralph Waldo Emerson, "The only gift is a portion of thyself." I agree, except that I think our loved ones deserve our whole heart! That will be my gift to Sebastian; a portion of myself (hopefully I give him only the good stuff like my love for education and iguanas) and my whole heart!
Rather than painstakingly analyze the complicated relationship I had with Alicia and then provide you with a ridiculously long historical narrative, I am going to choose to concentrate on the present and future with Sebastian.
Lessons learned? Check.
Soon to be married and therefore accept new role of wife and stepmother? Check.
Willingness to learn along the way? Check.
Absolutely nervous and fearful of falling flat on my face as wife and stepmother? Double checkity check!!
Ready to post blog, log off, and face the most important role(s) and opportunities in my life? CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all,
Jamie

Boy howdy!

The past 7 months or so have just flown by and I feel like I have the windburn on my cheeks to prove it! Okay, maybe not THAT fast, but still. I've contemplated deleting this blog and sticking solely to my trusty journals, but then, what fun would it be to ruminate on all of life's little quirks if I just kept said ruminations to myself?!? So, here we are again. Thanks Patty for the reminder that blogs can be fun...and thanks to FB for being an outlet for my posts since no one really "traffics" my actual blog (not that I blame you).

So, most of you know that Harvey proposed to me. If you don't, well get with it, folks. I have to admit, all my friends were right when they would tell me age-old cliches of "it will happen when you least expect it!" I definitely wasn't expecting Harvey to propose to me, especially not the day after I got out of a whirlwind emergency room visit and was dealing with pain using the powers of Vicodin (or maybe he thought I would be more likely to say "yes" in my drug-induced stupor!). Either way, it was beautiful...perfect.

Fast forward to today and things are still, well... perfect. Not perfect in the sense that everything in our life together goes without a hitch, is orderly, and neither of us have complaints or arguments. But perfect in the sense that we have faith in our relationship, each other, God, and in the power of our love. You can go ahead and barf now if you must.

We've been spending a lot of time with our respective families which is awesome. We took a trip to Missouri to visit my brother, his wife, and their three kids and had an absolute blast. It was Harvey's first time there and first time meeting my brother, but I couldn't have asked for a better introduction. In fact, we celebrated Harvey's 40th birthday while there and everyone was very hospitable and warm toward him...I think they love each other. Awwwww!!!

Prior to Missouri we spent a week in Maui with our "son" Mike. That's an ongoing joke since Mike's girlfriend, Nicky, couldn't go with us at the last minute, so it was Harvey, Mike, and I. You might think, "huh, awkward," but it wasn't! Mike and I have been friends since we both started working at the YMCA years ago, and we ended up attending (and finishing!!!) grad school together at University of San Diego. The trip was our "THANK GOD WE FINISHED SCHOOL WITHOUT KILLING OURSELVES OR EACH OTHER" graduation trip. I couldn't have dreamed of a better way to explore Hana, Haleakala, etc. than with those boys!

With 2010 behind us and 2011 stretched out before us, I just count my blessings each and every day. We've been having a great time with Harvey's son, Sebastian, and looking forward to seeing him start Kindergarten next year. He's such a perfect picture of both his mom and his dad...but his chubby cheeks are definitely like his dad's!

So while Harvey plays his music and tinkers with his Mustang Fastback, I spend time reading, pretending to work on my "novel," and watching Biggest Loser or my beloved Gilmore Girls dvds. Some habits or hobbies we have just won't budge even when you have a partner by your side. But then again, why should they?

Moving right along

It appears the world just won't stop long enough for me to catch up with everything I'd like to do or worse, have to do! So, here is a quick and dirty update because time is limited and so is my memory.

1. Harvey and I just celebrated 10 months of blissful dating (he may not call it "blissful" per se, but since I'm speaking for him, I'll just leave it at that). The pic above is of us at the Paul McCartney concert in March. Good times.
2. I'm graduating in two days (well, I'm walking in the graduation ceremonies, but I still have a portfolio and one more class to kill before they print a diploma with the word "Master of Arts" and the name Jamie on the same page).
3. Never did lose the weight I was complaining in an earlier blog post months ago...in fact, I believe I found some additional lbs to add to my collection.
4. I'm throwing my parents (mom and Larry) a surprise 30th anniversary party. I would say "shhh" but the possibility of them knowing what a blog is and for any of you to get on the horn and call them is pretty much nil. Regardless, mum's the word.
5. I'm planning a trip to Missouri to see my brother and his family, and then the very next week headed to Maui. Wondering which "M" will win as best trip of 2010.

Bad Mommy

So, it's official: I'm a bad mom. A bad cat-mom, that is. I'm not the type of pet-owner that would provoke an ASPCA call, but I am the type of pet-owner, that warrants a big slap on the hand.

Buster is pretty much your average domestic cat with plenty of fiestiness to spare. However, a few months ago he decided (or, I didn't dissuade him) to start carousing the neighborhood. This was actually a blessing in disguise for me, because now I could actually sleep through the night. So, mommy got her z's, and Buster had his "night-life."

Well, apparently cats like to brawl. I get that. If I were a neutered male cat, still trying to keep my territory intact and not allow the neighborhood rifraff to come around, I'd pretty much be on high alert too. But what started out as several hissing/growling matches with the neighborhood's ugly, mangey, bully-cat, turned into a full, blown-out turf war. And Buster is now the victim of feline violence (a new term I hope to enter into our modern-day vernacular).

After a $300 plus vet visit, and a totebag full of meds (including a controlled substance that I was carded for), I brought Buster home to heal. Now I feel as if my sole duty in life (short term, of course), is to nurse him back to health and become "THE WORLD'S BEST CAT MOM." I want that title with a passion.

I promise I will not become one of those crazy cat women who can only discuss the boring details of her cat's life because she has no anecdotes of her own. However, I cannot, in good conscience, promise that I will not be talking about Buster's bite for days, months, and years to come. so, please oblige me.

July Randomness

I would like to take a moment to capture some random thoughts that I've had over the month of July:

1. Kauai truly IS much prettier than the other islands of Hawaii.
2. It IS possible to re-connect and re-ignite a friendship with someone after a two-year hiatus if you two have enough in common to substantiate a reunion. Yay Meg-O! Love you!
3. It is NOT okay to lightly graze a coral reef with your ankle. You will suffer consequences in the form of burning flesh, scabbed skin, and a scar that looks akin to a laser-corrected tattoo.
4. It is okay to NOT want to eat sushi with a group of 12 when you are still sitting in your wet swimsuit and are dehydrated.
5. It is okay, and quite possible awesome, to meet someone on an online dating website as long as you two take it slow and really relish the dating process as if you met at the grocery store, dog park, or the DMV.
6. It is okay to suffer a 5% decrease in salary as long as you STILL HAVE A JOB.
7. It is okay to feel overwhelmed with graduate school, work, a new relationship, family, friends, etc., as long as you recognize you have a FULL, ABUNDANT, life that warrants such worries.
8. It is okay to drink a little at lunch as long as it is 1/2 off margaritas and you were just told about your 5% decrease.....oh, and you aren't driving!
9. It is okay that you failed to lose any weight despite paying a personal trainer exorbitant amounts of pre-5% decrease-salary, because SOMEDAY it won't matter what you look like.
10. It is okay to let go of some of the friendships that have left you stymied and stagnant. We all need to surround ourselves with the people who edify us and continue walking alongside us in our times of need. We need proponents, advocates, waterboys, teachers, mentors, confidantes, and cheerleaders as our friends.

As you can see, I have had a very "different" July. I'm okay with different. In fact, I'm okay with difficult as long as I see light at the end of the tunnel. God has blessed me in ways I still cannot comprehend. For now, I rest in that knowledge.

I'm not in Kansas anymore....

Nope, I'm in Yuma. 4th of July weekend sans San Diego's gorgeous weather and a gaggle of my nearest and dearest friends, can be described in two words: not fun. However, I felt a strong desire to ditch SD and get home for some mama-time. Mama-time is typically spent shopping, eating, watching Lifetime for Women or TLC, and beautifying (yes, girlfriends, I will share my beauty loot with you!). This weekend has been no exception to the mama-time rule. I traveled the desert (on a horse with no name, but in a truck with awesome brakes!) on Friday and am now deep in thought. Okay, not deep thoughts, but somewhat consistent with blogging material. And here it is....drumroll......

I love my mama. We have an interesting story (well, to me). I moved to Yuma the middle of my junior year in high school. It was a transition, even thought I only trekked across the Colorado River from El Centro. But, living under new rules, meeting new friends, and trying to carve out a place of my own (again) was difficult. Now, when I come back to visit, I realize that I really don't know that many people here. Yes, occassionally I'll run into a high school acquaintance, or someone who I'm acquainted to within 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon-style, but I still feel the anonymity I've come to enjoy during my mama-time visits. You see, visiting my mama is a treat. Not just because of the shopping and the other rituals (although those ROCK), but because this is my era of getting to know her. This is my opportunity, since she didn't raise me, to feel edified, nurtured, and advised on life matters. In fact, my mama is one of my very best friends (calm down, Ames).

I really feel like everyone should have someone in their family that they can lean on for support. If it wasn't my mama, I think I'd probably shanghai (sorry, not PC) someone else into the role. I just really value this relationship, and hope, if I ever have the begrudging privilege of being a worn-out, pissed-off, sleep-deprived mother, that I will be just like her. Minus the big ole jewelry.

Love you mama!

Weight Loss

Over the past few years I've struggled with the many reasons I've gained so much weight and why it is so difficult to lose it. I just started reading In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollan, and it is hitting home in so many ways. I feel like I've been under this cloud of self-scrutiny for so long and have beaten myself up for gaining so much weight. Ultimately, I have the power to change. But, I will not allow for myself to feel bad that I am pulled toward sweets, soda, and fast food, when really, that is what our society pushes like crack.

Instead, I'm going to realize that I have the power to review my choices and acknowledge that the Food Administration, all of the food manufacturers, and even the media and medical community, have agendas and goals to meet. I have the power to change my way of thinking, and hence, my way of eating. If I can simply look at this as a process, maybe even have some fun along the way, I'm sure I will reach my goals. So, in deference to all things humorous, here is my top ten list on why I havent' been able to lose the weight thus far:


10. I refuse to listen to the advice of my wonderful personal trainer. I refer to this as disrespecting my authority figures. I was WAY too obedient as a child.
9. I love bean & cheese burritos. I mean I REALLY love them and need them, more than periodically. In fact, daily wouldn't be too often. Are you catching "wind" of this? Ha.
8. When I was thinner (around 15 years ago), I wore a "A" cup size. Now I don't. Regressing back to an A cup seems painful, not to mention counter-intuitive.
7. My metabolism has never received a job description, a proper education and training in respect to its job description, regular reviews, but PLENTY of vacation time.
6. My thighs are very close friends. They like to be close and mingle. And, they definitely refuse to grow distant.
5. I have very little tolerance for sweat.
4. I'm bringing sexy back.
3. I have never been able to understand calorie counting. I can't even balance my checkbook. Why on earth would I track my calories? Is some calorie-counting IRS agent going to do an audit on my "food journal" anytime soon?
2. I don't know how to eat a singe serving of anything. I mean, two fig newtons? ONE CUP of ice cream? Do you know how very little space that would take in my zephyr of a stomach? Arghhhh.
1. I fear that if I lost weight I might just be TOO ravishing. :-)