Bad Mommy

So, it's official: I'm a bad mom. A bad cat-mom, that is. I'm not the type of pet-owner that would provoke an ASPCA call, but I am the type of pet-owner, that warrants a big slap on the hand.

Buster is pretty much your average domestic cat with plenty of fiestiness to spare. However, a few months ago he decided (or, I didn't dissuade him) to start carousing the neighborhood. This was actually a blessing in disguise for me, because now I could actually sleep through the night. So, mommy got her z's, and Buster had his "night-life."

Well, apparently cats like to brawl. I get that. If I were a neutered male cat, still trying to keep my territory intact and not allow the neighborhood rifraff to come around, I'd pretty much be on high alert too. But what started out as several hissing/growling matches with the neighborhood's ugly, mangey, bully-cat, turned into a full, blown-out turf war. And Buster is now the victim of feline violence (a new term I hope to enter into our modern-day vernacular).

After a $300 plus vet visit, and a totebag full of meds (including a controlled substance that I was carded for), I brought Buster home to heal. Now I feel as if my sole duty in life (short term, of course), is to nurse him back to health and become "THE WORLD'S BEST CAT MOM." I want that title with a passion.

I promise I will not become one of those crazy cat women who can only discuss the boring details of her cat's life because she has no anecdotes of her own. However, I cannot, in good conscience, promise that I will not be talking about Buster's bite for days, months, and years to come. so, please oblige me.

July Randomness

I would like to take a moment to capture some random thoughts that I've had over the month of July:

1. Kauai truly IS much prettier than the other islands of Hawaii.
2. It IS possible to re-connect and re-ignite a friendship with someone after a two-year hiatus if you two have enough in common to substantiate a reunion. Yay Meg-O! Love you!
3. It is NOT okay to lightly graze a coral reef with your ankle. You will suffer consequences in the form of burning flesh, scabbed skin, and a scar that looks akin to a laser-corrected tattoo.
4. It is okay to NOT want to eat sushi with a group of 12 when you are still sitting in your wet swimsuit and are dehydrated.
5. It is okay, and quite possible awesome, to meet someone on an online dating website as long as you two take it slow and really relish the dating process as if you met at the grocery store, dog park, or the DMV.
6. It is okay to suffer a 5% decrease in salary as long as you STILL HAVE A JOB.
7. It is okay to feel overwhelmed with graduate school, work, a new relationship, family, friends, etc., as long as you recognize you have a FULL, ABUNDANT, life that warrants such worries.
8. It is okay to drink a little at lunch as long as it is 1/2 off margaritas and you were just told about your 5% decrease.....oh, and you aren't driving!
9. It is okay that you failed to lose any weight despite paying a personal trainer exorbitant amounts of pre-5% decrease-salary, because SOMEDAY it won't matter what you look like.
10. It is okay to let go of some of the friendships that have left you stymied and stagnant. We all need to surround ourselves with the people who edify us and continue walking alongside us in our times of need. We need proponents, advocates, waterboys, teachers, mentors, confidantes, and cheerleaders as our friends.

As you can see, I have had a very "different" July. I'm okay with different. In fact, I'm okay with difficult as long as I see light at the end of the tunnel. God has blessed me in ways I still cannot comprehend. For now, I rest in that knowledge.

I'm not in Kansas anymore....

Nope, I'm in Yuma. 4th of July weekend sans San Diego's gorgeous weather and a gaggle of my nearest and dearest friends, can be described in two words: not fun. However, I felt a strong desire to ditch SD and get home for some mama-time. Mama-time is typically spent shopping, eating, watching Lifetime for Women or TLC, and beautifying (yes, girlfriends, I will share my beauty loot with you!). This weekend has been no exception to the mama-time rule. I traveled the desert (on a horse with no name, but in a truck with awesome brakes!) on Friday and am now deep in thought. Okay, not deep thoughts, but somewhat consistent with blogging material. And here it is....drumroll......

I love my mama. We have an interesting story (well, to me). I moved to Yuma the middle of my junior year in high school. It was a transition, even thought I only trekked across the Colorado River from El Centro. But, living under new rules, meeting new friends, and trying to carve out a place of my own (again) was difficult. Now, when I come back to visit, I realize that I really don't know that many people here. Yes, occassionally I'll run into a high school acquaintance, or someone who I'm acquainted to within 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon-style, but I still feel the anonymity I've come to enjoy during my mama-time visits. You see, visiting my mama is a treat. Not just because of the shopping and the other rituals (although those ROCK), but because this is my era of getting to know her. This is my opportunity, since she didn't raise me, to feel edified, nurtured, and advised on life matters. In fact, my mama is one of my very best friends (calm down, Ames).

I really feel like everyone should have someone in their family that they can lean on for support. If it wasn't my mama, I think I'd probably shanghai (sorry, not PC) someone else into the role. I just really value this relationship, and hope, if I ever have the begrudging privilege of being a worn-out, pissed-off, sleep-deprived mother, that I will be just like her. Minus the big ole jewelry.

Love you mama!

Weight Loss

Over the past few years I've struggled with the many reasons I've gained so much weight and why it is so difficult to lose it. I just started reading In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollan, and it is hitting home in so many ways. I feel like I've been under this cloud of self-scrutiny for so long and have beaten myself up for gaining so much weight. Ultimately, I have the power to change. But, I will not allow for myself to feel bad that I am pulled toward sweets, soda, and fast food, when really, that is what our society pushes like crack.

Instead, I'm going to realize that I have the power to review my choices and acknowledge that the Food Administration, all of the food manufacturers, and even the media and medical community, have agendas and goals to meet. I have the power to change my way of thinking, and hence, my way of eating. If I can simply look at this as a process, maybe even have some fun along the way, I'm sure I will reach my goals. So, in deference to all things humorous, here is my top ten list on why I havent' been able to lose the weight thus far:


10. I refuse to listen to the advice of my wonderful personal trainer. I refer to this as disrespecting my authority figures. I was WAY too obedient as a child.
9. I love bean & cheese burritos. I mean I REALLY love them and need them, more than periodically. In fact, daily wouldn't be too often. Are you catching "wind" of this? Ha.
8. When I was thinner (around 15 years ago), I wore a "A" cup size. Now I don't. Regressing back to an A cup seems painful, not to mention counter-intuitive.
7. My metabolism has never received a job description, a proper education and training in respect to its job description, regular reviews, but PLENTY of vacation time.
6. My thighs are very close friends. They like to be close and mingle. And, they definitely refuse to grow distant.
5. I have very little tolerance for sweat.
4. I'm bringing sexy back.
3. I have never been able to understand calorie counting. I can't even balance my checkbook. Why on earth would I track my calories? Is some calorie-counting IRS agent going to do an audit on my "food journal" anytime soon?
2. I don't know how to eat a singe serving of anything. I mean, two fig newtons? ONE CUP of ice cream? Do you know how very little space that would take in my zephyr of a stomach? Arghhhh.
1. I fear that if I lost weight I might just be TOO ravishing. :-)

Where in the World is the Reset Button?

Do you ever wish that you could just push a reset button and start all over again? Well, I try to live my life with little regrets, but alas, every once in a blue moon I feel the urge to reach out and pound the @#$%^&* out of a reset button. Let me explain before you cart me off to the sanatorium (I know, this word isn't used much these days, but I'm bringing it back old school style, yo).

So, for starters, I had a quasi-blind date with a Serbian gent. Yep. Project "Dating the United Nations" in full effect. Anyway, I say that it was quasi-blind because I met him on that ever-so-popular-and-wonderful dating website www.chemistry.com (note the sarcasm here). Well, for starters, he did NOT look like the photo on the website. Now, I know there are many self-conscious women and men who love to post pics that do not truly reflect what they look like (I will not confirm nor deny whether I am one of them), but he REALLY didn't look like the profile pic. Furthermore, he speaks so low (think of the episode on Seinfeld where Jerry has to wear the poofy pirate shirt on national t.v. because he couldn't hear Kramer's girlfriend- and then lower it a few decibels). We also had nothing in common, other than having strong desires. My desire to flee the scene; his desire to commence with a pervy giggle while saying how attractive I am. Ew.

Needless to say, I fled. End scene.

This morning, Buster, my butt-munch of a cat, woke me up at the usual hour: 4:45 a.m. Love him. After tossing and turning for about an hour more, I decided to get up. I eventually meandered to Vons to pick up some breakfast vittles (for me, not Buster), pick up a thank you card for an intern, and then was driving along to work when all of a sudden, my BRAKE LINE broke. Everyone is safe, thanks for asking. I pulled over as safely as a near-heart attack can allow and met Jacob, the friendly mechanic at Kensington Auto Center. Ahhh, Kensington. Remind me to tell you about that little gem later. Anyway, the fact that a.) I did not kill my self, a pedestrian, or a Kensingtonesque lap dog, b.) managed to find a mechanic within spitting distance, and c.) rescued my vittles so I'd have something to snack on while I wait for a friend to pick me up, all reminds me of how blessed I really am. That and the fact that at least I'm not on my date from hell.

Books Without Borders

A few months ago I decided to marry a few passions together: learning about different cultures, reading, and activism. From there, Books Without Borders was born; an offspring of my dream for a community of like minded individuals who delve into broader world issues and are willing to take a stand for what is right.
Thus far, our fun little group has read:

Not On Our Watch, by John Prendergast- a novel that provides a prescription for ending genocide and other atrocities against humanity. Though the book was difficult because of the many descriptive anecdotes by John and Don Cheadle (co-author, actor, and activist), it was a masterpiece from beginning to end. From the meeting, five of us made distinct decisions to utilize our talents and strengths to help end genocide in Darfur (and DR of Congo and Uganda). For more information and to keep up to speed on events in Africa visit www.enoughproject.org

On a lighter, but still controversial note, we read Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez. As a group of women readers, this was a great book to ignite conversations surrounding what it means to be a woman with personal freedoms. I had already pre-warned the club that I have an insane fascination with Afghanistan, and this only sparked further interest!

We also read Peony in Love, by Lisa See. This amazingly beautiful story details the journey of a Chinese woman through her short life, her afterlife as a ghost, and the pains associated with guilt and distrust. Ms. See did an amazing job at describing the different cultural beliefs of the Chinese, including those customs that were perpetuated by dynastic rule. The "ghost" story was riveting from beginning to end....a must read.

For the summer we will be reading (and for many of us, re-reading) Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert (not from Little House on the Prairie). This book personally pulls at my values of cultural learning, introspection, writing, believing, trusting, and giving.

If you would like to join our book club, please send me a note! You won't be disappointed (shameless plug).

Confessions of a "Thought Stalker"

I've come up with a new term (at least new to me and the one friend I mentioned it to) called "thought stalking." In essence, this is a term that helps define those moments when you are not physically stalking your unsuspecting victim (such as an ex-boyfriend, a match on your eHarmony.com account, or the witty barista at the local Starbucks), but you are in fact, perseverating about them in your mind. As sick as this may sound, I would like to argue that most, if not all, women do this. In fact, I would venture to state that men do as well (although they would never admit to this).

Let me dissect this concept further. Thought stalking can take on many forms. I'm not strictly speaking of woman meets man, woman likes man, woman can't stop dreaming of the day she walks down the aisle with man. Nope. I think that trivializes and diminishes the power that thought stalking can have...if given the chance. Thought stalking can occur when you are upset with a person and can't seem to let go and discard the ill-feelings. Forgiveness is a must in this situation...but as many purport, forgiving and forgetting is a difficult task. Instead, it is easy to get lost in the mire of bad feelings especially when you feel deeply wronged....hence, thought stalking.

My most recent experience with thought stalking is when I was emailed by an "ex." Let's call him Schloopy (because I can). We haven't dated in well over a year, but he emailed me out of the blue to supposedly "check in." What does that mean anyway? I'm not a hotel or a car-rental shop. Well, in my world, this doesn't normally happen. So, as any educated, well-informed, and self-respecting woman would do, I responded. Bad move. We then entered into a cutesy, fartsy email exchange of witty banter. I miss that about Schloopy. Sigh.

Once the requisite exchanges transpired I thought, "self, wouldn't it be okay to see if he wanted to grab dinner...under the guise of friendship of course?" So, as any educated, well-informed, and self-respecting woman would do, I asked Schloopy out to dinner. And, drumroll please (although most of you already know what's coming...)........

He has a girlfriend.

Punk-butt Schloopy. So now I'm licking my fresh wounds, as I spend hour upon hour speculating about why he contacted me, where we could have been by now if we had never stopped dating, what his new girlfriend is like (super model, PhD candidate, earning over 6 figures a year I'm suspecting by now), and wondering WHAT I DID WRONG. Thought stalking Schloopy as if thinking about him was going to somehow miraculously turn his innocent "checking in" email into a proclaimation of undying love for me.

Wow, I'm crazy.....

But, as I said before, we all are.

Just say NO to thought stalking and get a real hobby, folks.